Becoming a mother makes you paranoid.

Two weeks ago Quincy rode the bus to school for the first time....

Prior to him riding the bus we had walked to school and I showed him where the buses stopped and instructed him that he was to follow the other kids to the cafeteria where his teacher would come and get him.

He was super excited.

I wrangled all three boys out the door at 8:05 in the morning and we walked a short half block across the street to his bus stop on the corner. We waited and a few more minutes before a grandmother came out with her granddaughter. They were waiting a ways back from the corner we were standing on, next to a telephone poll. After a minute or so she walked a couple of steps towards us and asked, "Are you guys waiting for the Hogan Cedars Bus?" "Yes," I replied. "It meets over here in the morning and drops at the corner in the afternoon."

Oh. Good to know. I felt  like I was navigating through the whole riding the bus thing without really knowing exactly where we were supposed to be since the papers I'd received in the mail simply said at the corner of 7th.

So there I was, relying on a complete stranger to teach me the ins and outs of our bus stop.

Two other kids showed up.

5 minutes after standing by our stop I watched as 2 buses drove past. The stranger reassured us those were not our bus, but that they went to the same school. The reason for separate buses was that they don't want kids to have to cross the street. It made sense, but seemed unnecessary that there would be so many buses driving through the same neighborhoods.

Whatever. I guess there isn't a shortage of drivers and buses here??

Finally about 10 minutes later "our" bus showed up. The other two kids got on and I reluctantly walked Quincy to the bus steps. The number on the side was NOT the one on his route information, but the stranger lady assured me it was the right driver, just wrong bus. As I held Q's hand I kissed him and hesitantly said, "Is this the bus to Hogan Cedars? My son's a kindergartner."

The bus driver smiled at me and said, "Yep. My name is Wendy" and turning to Q asked, "What's your name?" After he responded she asked if he could sit next to Aiden (apparently another kindergartner) on the front seat of the bus. Then the doors closed and I waved at him and swallowed a little lump in my throat.

After walking back to the house with the little boys I had to reassure myself several times that he would be okay. I had to convince myself that he'd be alright and get to school just fine, even if it was the wrong bus number. After all, it was the first day of buses, and surely they just made a mistake with the number. I text Tyler about the situation and he responded with, "What?!? He's probably down in Portland somewhere!" I text back to tell him "not funny". But still I couldn't shake that uneasiness of not knowing EXACTLY where my little Q was.

Turns out everything was just fine. He made it school. Got to his class and had a fabulous day.

I'm sure it's only the first of many goodbyes and growing up stages. I can't bare to think about sending him to college and off on a mission, and even giving him away to a wife. It all sounds terribly scary, and yet joyous at the same time. I hope and pray that he'll (and that I will be as well) be ready for each new phase of his growing up life experiences.