It would seem that the hours in a day drag but the days of the week fly, and then before I realize it the month is gone and we’re beginning the next one. Do you ever have moments where you step back from life and just take a moment to let it all sink in? I had one of those rare opportunities yesterday. Maybe it was because it was Sunday, maybe it’s because we had just been spiritually fed wonderful messages at our Stake Conference, maybe it was because we went for a family walk together, maybe it’s because it was quiet and sunny, and we had just started to head back home from Quincy’s future Elementary school, or perhaps—maybe it was God letting me know that life as I know is starting to change, again.
Yesterday I couldn’t help but feel drawn to the outdoors. The sun was out and it was mild enough that we didn’t need 4 layers of clothes on to feel warm. Tyler agreed that a walk sounded great. We started walking the usual way through our neighborhood to a nearby sports park, filled with soccer and baseball fields. The boys and I regularly go here and they run to their hearts content, or play in a huge pile of gravel until their fingernails are black and their hands are filthy.
However, seeing as how it was Sunday those activities didn’t seem rather appropriate. So we continued to walk through the sports park across the street to where Quincy’s future Elementary School is. None of us had actually ever been down the dead end street, and seeing as how it wasn’t a school day we thought it would fun to explore the school—through the windows, of course. The school looks relatively new and very nice. We peeked in a few classroom windows and I noted that one particular room seemed to resemble what I would have guessed to be the Kindergarten room. We saw the gym and discovered that the library was in the middle of the school with lots of natural light from the two story windows up one side of the building. Eventually as we finished our circle around the school we got to the playground. Naturally the boys were drawn to the equipment like moths to a flame, so we agreed they could play for 5 minutes—after all they did do quite a bit of walking.
While the older boys headed off to explore the new playground Tyler and I each held one of Zayden’s hands and helped him walk on the unleveled bark dust surrounding the equipment. I quietly said to Tyler, “Doesn’t it seem surreal to think we have a kid old enough to go to school here?” He agreed. And we both were kind of quiet, just watching the kids run around.
The boys played for a few minutes before we had to coax them to come back home where we promised to eat popcorn and play games with them. On the way back I held hands with Quincy as we crossed the street. He never hesitates to hold my hand in public and for just a minute I relished in this fact. However, as we finished crossing the street, and were back near the sports park, he dropped my hand and ran off. I knew he was safe in such an open area so I watched him run away from Tyler and I…. and then it hit me.
I couldn’t help but feel a little emotional as I realized it wouldn’t be much longer that my little Q would be grown up. He of course will be in school this fall, the very oldest in his class, at 6 years old. I have no worries over him excelling in school work, learning all sorts of new things, or making new friends, but it struck me that God was subtly reminding me that life as I know it--- crazy, hectic, chaotic, messy, exhausting life at home with 3 boys--- is going to change.
Change is almost always good, long-term anyways, but there are times when it can be difficult. For just a moment I was reminded to enjoy all these moments with my sons at home, because the time is not far away when they will be gone—in one respect or another. Soon they will grow to become young men, to sweat and stink, to prefer spending time with their friends—or girls even, oh heaven help us—they will be eating us out of house and home, they will be getting driver’s licenses, going to dances, playing on sports teams, graduating high school, going to college, heading out on missions, marrying…. Perhaps one could argue I am rushing things because my little Quincy is a mere 5 years old, and of course, we have many more years before most of those things begin to happen, but for just a rare moment I saw it all through God’s eyes. This existence here on Earth can sometimes seem endless, it can be difficult, it can be tiring, and challenging. But to God, what can seem like an eternity to us is but a moment for him.
So it was that I had a brief encounter with my life as I know it creeping near the brink of change… again. Just when I was beginning to feel comfortable with my routine here at home, being a mother to 3 little boys, mastering the stages of little babies and how to cope with their physical demands. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to step out of my comfort zone, leave this (mostly) predictable little world I live in, but that’s life, right? We are always aging, always learning, always growing, always progressing and that’s the best part about it. Am I excited for my little Quincy to start school? You bet. I always told my mom and friends whose kids had started school I was never going to be that mom who cried when they left their kid at school for the first day, but now that the time for that event is not far off I have to wonder…
Only in time will I discover how I’ll actually handle the situation, but for now I think I’ll just take comfort in the fact that God is wise. He knows that I need subtle reminders to enjoy my busy boys while they’re still little—and driving me crazy—and perhaps He even knows that one day I’ll remember this point in time and long for it. So today I am going to hug and squeeze my little Quincy, hold his hand, and kiss him, tell him how much he means to me, because I’m sure one day he won’t want to be bothered with such things…. Someday, but lucky for me, not today.