It Is Enough.

                                          


There are times I try and step back from my job and really observe my surroundings to see if I'm getting anywhere. It seems like any easy task, you know-- appreciating the little things-- but most days are overwhelming, with good (and bad) things, and it's easy to fall into the trap. The one that Satan lays for you. The one where sends countless "helpers" to discourage you in your journey of raising children. It's hard to have clarity sometimes. There are a lot of days I ask myself, "Am I doing this right? Am I doing enough for my kids? Are they going to turn out okay?" Some days I feel confident in my abilities and other days I feel doubtful.

Two weeks ago it was fast Sunday and, of course, Tyler and I were busy trying to keep our busy/ noisy boys quiet so other people could listen. I mean, we try to listen, but it can be challenging when you have little people who don't know how to whisper, or who want snacks, or who need to go to the bathroom and the list of needs goes on and on. About halfway through there was a string of primary children who got up to bear their testimonies. Quincy usually reads and is pretty good about being quiet, but at this point he seemed interested in all these kids getting up. Then he stood next to me and whispered, "I want to go up and bear my testimony, Mom." I was taken aback a little bit. First of, we never asked him to, he had just decided to all by himself. And second, I was hesitant about letting him go, as he didn't request that I go with him and I was leery that he'd actually be able to go through with it once he was in front of everyone. But how could I say no?

So I just let him go, curious about how it would all play out. I noticed that the bishop was about to have the podium raised, but saw Quincy walking up and stopped. I sat there watching as Quincy walked confidently to the podium and lowered the microphone to his mouth and proceeded to bear his testimony. I was in awe that he seemed so composed and calm and confident. And my heart of course swelled with joy during his brief testimony. It wasn't until night time that I had an 'ah-ha moment' and I can't even claim that I brought it to my own attention because it was Tyler who brought it up.

I spend a lot of moments in motherhood feeling unsure about if I'm going about it all the right way. And last night I received such a wonderful confirmation that I AM doing something right. Perhaps I'm not doing it all right ALL of the time, but I am making progress. I was able to see that progress... something I'm not always capable of getting. And it was wonderful. And it made everything alright. And it's beautiful how such a small and simple confirmation from the Spirit gave me the will to relinquish all doubts that seemed to be plaguing me.

Tyler asked Quincy before he went to bed how he knew what to say for his testimony. Quincy told him that he knew the first part and then he just saw the words in his head and said them. This bit of information made me feel even better about my mothering capabilities. My son was able to listen to the Holy Ghost and share his testimony with others. This gives me hope for the future.... that he'll turn out okay....and that, at least for now, I'm doing enough.

Heavenly Father Answers Prayers...

About two weeks ago I had the opportunity to teach Quincy about the power of prayer.

As a mother I know that this is one of my greatest and sole responsibilities, to teach my children the best things, to help them gain strong testimonies of the gospel, and prepare them on their way back to our Heavenly father. However, there are days when I'm tired, stressed, worn out, or other wise preoccupied with the everyday tasks of motherhood.

I suppose one of the greatest tricks the devil uses on mothers is distraction. Most days I'm distracted by my children, other days I'm distracted by my household responsibilities, and there are days still when I'm distracted by my church callings and so forth.... The majority of these things aren't necessarily terrible things, but the sum of all of them leads me further from the MOST important things I should be focusing on, like my children's spiritual welfare. I often get caught up in the little details of running my home that I forget to consciously make an effort to SEARCH for opportunities to teach my children gospel principles in the home.

I did, however, manage to remember this goal of mine two weeks ago. It was one of those days where I was stressed to the max and totally burnt out! The boys were wearing me down slowly, but surely as the day progressed. I hadn't slept at all that night and Tyler didn't get home until late in the evening. My boys were so spoiled this year at Christmas, they got so many new toys and I have been stressing the importance of taking care of ALL of our new things (toys included) so we can continue to enjoy and play with them.

Well in the late evening of this particular day Quincy was supposed to be picking up his toys in his room while I was making dinner so we could eat when Tyler came home from work. He ran into the kitchen to inform me he couldn't find 2 of the clock pieces from the wooden clock he got from Christmas. I told him to look harder. So he went back in his room only to come out once more and inform me he STILL couldn't find the pieces. Finally, exasperated I said, "Fine! I'll look." And look I did.... and FIND I didn't! I was frustrated that he had been careless enough to lose these pieces to a toy he JUST got for Christmas. After taking a short minute to check dinner I had the prompting that this situation was a teaching opportunity.

I gathered Quincy into his room and we knelt together on the floor, folding our arms and bowing our heads. I explained to him: "Quincy, we don't know where the pieces are and we've looked everywhere for them, but Heavenly Father knows EVERYTHING and he can help us find them." I asked Quincy to help me with the prayer and together with my sweet 3 year old son we gave the most simplest of prayers: "Heavenly Father, we are thankful for our new toys. We're thankful for our home. Please help us to know where to look so we can find the pieces to our new toy. Amen."

After we finished praying I could feel the spirit resume back inside my heart, as previous to the prayer I was feeling quite frustrated. I said to Quincy, "First we need to think about where we were playing with the toy and then Heavenly Father will help us find the missing pieces." So Quincy retraced his steps with me and then I had a small prompting to look inside a toy tractor and as I did I found the missing pieces.

I pulled them out and said, "LOOK Quincy!" His eyes were huge, his smile was full and he exclaimed with the most happiest heart, "Heavenly Father helped us find the missing pieces!"

It was a moment as a mother I will treasure forever... the feelings I felt and the testimony I was able to witness in my 3 year old son's eyes that Heavenly Father ANSWERS prayers.


I can only hope that as my boys age their testimonies will continue to grow and as their mother I will be able to search out for those important teaching moments.

Every Day Motherhood...

So many days my house is filled with things like this:

And I think to myself... I can't WAIT until I don't have to see:
And won't my house be beautiful when I don't have this in the way:

And wont it be grand when I can keep my door open if I want to:

And someday I won't have to worry about tripping on little shoes:

And won't it be lovely when I can see out my windows:

And someday we won't have a trail of baby products cluttering our dining room:
But you know what... after living with the slobbery windows, the piles of mess, the ways we have to baby proof everything, the milk stains in the fridge from bottles, and the toys everywhere.... I have come to realize that at least I get two SWEET little boys to look at... and you know what... then I tend to forget all that other stuff-- if only for a moment, anyways. :)

There are just days...

... When I feel like I'm not a very good mom.

I know that every normal mom experiences feelings like this, but it seems like the last few weeks I've been really struggling to relish in all the joys of motherhood. I feel so overwhelmed with everyday mundane tasks. I'm constantly being requested by my children to give them my undivided attention and entertain them. I find that as a mom to young children I have little time alone during the day- who knew using the bathroom would become a group activity?- and I have almost no time at all to spend on me. I also find the challenge of allowing Tyler time to unwind from work when he gets home is MOST difficult. It's always when the kids are screaming, the house is a mess (not because it started that way, but because with two little children it's bound to end up that way), I'm desperately trying to get dinner on the table, and the boys ready for bed. Needless to say, there are numerous days where I think to myself ***'Am I really accomplishing anything?'***......... ***'Is what I'm doing really making a difference?'***

Even on some of my worst days when I'm wrestling with these negative thoughts that are floating around in my head I have that nagging feeling-- and more realistically a prompting from the Spirit-- that my work as a Mother IS important. Which of course is why I continue to love, teach, and nurture my children.

The other day while I was sitting on the couch with Quincy he looked over at me and said, "I love you Mom!" I didn't prompt him to say this and thought it was sweet that he decided to tell me that and so I responded, "I love you too Quincy!" He took about 2 seconds before he spoke again and then said, "You're a great Mom!" This statement took me by surprise-- thinking what qualifies me as a great mom in Quincy's eyes-- and so I asked, "Why am I a great Mom?" He contemplated the question for a moment and then replied, "Cuz you do everything for us. You wash our clothes, and hang them up, you pick up our toys, and wash the dishes, you make our beds, and clean the sink!" I couldn't help but laugh at Quincy's qualifications for being a great mom and told him, "Well, thanks for noticing Quincy! You're a great kid!"

I know that it's moments like this that Heavenly Father is reassuring me that Motherhood is important.

I had another occasion to be reassured of my divine nature two weeks ago. Our poor little Braxton has come down with a cold. The little guy has been all stuffed up, and as any parent to a baby knows, there hasn't been much we can do about it. He had been sleeping very poorly- waking up gagging on mucus and what not. He'd wake up each morning at 4:00 or 5:00AM and cry. Since Tyler has to get up for work at 6:00AM, I'd try to go in there and get him back to sleep for a little while.

During the second day (in a row) I went into my boys' room to calm down my troubled baby. Part of me dreaded hearing that first cry because I was SO tired, the other nurturing-mom part of me felt the urge to help him go back to sleep. As I dragged my body into their room with my eyes half shut, lifting him out of his crib and settling down to rock him in the rocking chair, a thought occurred to me. It was 5:30AM and as I rocked Braxton back and forth rubbing his little back and shhhhing him, the Spirit spoke to my heart that I was indeed experiencing something grand as a Mother. Here in my arms was my helpless baby, all stuffy and sick, who couldn't sleep because he felt awful and I had the pleasure of comforting him. How many times have I needed comfort as a Daughter of God and He has filled me with peace? Braxton may not be able to speak to me just yet, but I believe if he could he would have told me how grateful he was that I was there to help him feel better.

As a mother, if I can take the pain away from my child just for a moment-- no matter how brief it is-- what other glorious purpose can I serve? I thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me to feel the Spirit so early in the morning and opening my eyes that I might be able to see the bigger (more important) picture as He sees it!

Even on days when things are a mess and I feel all my hard work goes unnoticed I try to remind myself that what I'm doing MATTERS! I'm thankful for these blessings.

God is good.

He has blessed me with two healthy children and a wonderful husband.

I will count my blessings and try to remember that I don't have to be the perfect Mom that I think I'm supposed to be... Heavenly Father doesn't expect me to be perfect He just expects me to do my best.....

Maybe I'm not such a terrible Mom after all.............

Groundhog Day

You all remember the movie Groundhog Day right? You know, where he keeps reliving the same day over and over again? Well... these pictures reminded me of that movie because each morning Bill Murray wakes up to the clock radio, Sunny and Cher are singing "I've got you Babe", and the radio DJ says, "It's (whatever) o clock this morning. Better put your booties on cuz it's COLD outside."

****Now I know that I probably slaughtered the real quote from the movie, but give me a break... it's been a while since I've seen it. ******

Anyways... these picture were of Quincy the other day after I got out of the shower and was getting ready. I hadn't dressed him yet and so he ran around the house like this.....

In nothing but a diaper, bath robe and some booties to keep those little toes warm. It was cute!

I wish his eyes were open, but he was being a big ham and laughing when I tried to capture a decent picture.

So I got to thinking about that movie... poor Bill Murray has to keep reliving Groundhog Day over and over again. It made me stop and think.

HMMMMmmmmm.....................If I had to relive one day over and over again, which day would it be? I thought about this for a while and decided that it would be my wedding day.

Not all brides can say this, but I had one of the best wedding days ever. So many memories of it are faded, some aren't quite clear, but I definately remember all the many wonderful feelings I had. It was also a day that almost my entire family was together. There were bits and pieces that were a blur because we had so much going on.Tyler and I couldn't have been any more happy... and boy oh boy did we have fun at our sealing, luncheon, and wedding reception! I would love to relive that day and discover more clearly how much love was felt.

So...........if you could relive one day.... at least for a while, what day would it be?